


Rest In Pieces

by imalright



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24462982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imalright/pseuds/imalright
Summary: Ingrid kills Sylvain.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 55





	Rest In Pieces

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ethereally](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethereally/gifts).



> late birthday fic for eth!!!

“Ha!” Sylvain laughs triumphantly, “What’re you gonna do about it, huh? Eat me to death?”

Ingrid swats at Sylvain with a rolled up newspaper. “Put me down, jackass!”

“Make me!”

“Put! Me! Down!”

“Sylvain,” Dimitri interrupts, “Have you considered, ah, putting Ingrid down?”

“Put me down!”

“You know, I hadn’t before!” Sylvain pretends to think for a moment. Ingrid tries to kick him, but her position of being held up in the air by Sylvain’s stupidly strong arms makes it incredibly difficult. “Okay, considered. Not gonna happen.”

“I will  _ kill _ you.”

Dimitri sighs. “Please do not kill him.”

_ “I will.” _

“Please kill him,” Felix calls. Ingrid considers killing him, too. She has a better idea.

_ “You _ kill him!” she shouts.

There’s a pause.

“I bet you can’t kill him,” he says.  Oh, she can  _ hear _ the smirk in his voice. It’s settled. She’s killing him.

“I certainly don’t think she can —” Dimitri begins and Ingrid sees red.

“I can absolutely kill Sylvain!” she yells, “He’s only alive because I let him live!”

“Hm, yeah, and that’s why you can’t get down!” Sylvain laughs.

She throws the newspaper at his head. Pages fly everywhere. Her only weapon is lost to the wind and now even Dimitri is laughing at her.

“Hey, Dimitri, I have a great idea.”

No.  _ No. _

“Catch!”

Ingrid shrieks so loud she chokes as she’s physically, actually, literally thrown to a very unprepared Dimitri and is almost dropped.

_ “Sylvain!” _

Oh, great, now even  _ Felix _ is laughing at her. She has to make new friends. She doesn’t have a choice, anymore. This is it. The last betrayal. The final straw. Twenty-odd years of friendship down the drain.

“That was quite dangerous,” Dimitri chides. Sylvain is doubled over laughing and if he hears, he doesn’t care.

“I’ve never heard you make a noise like that,” Sylvain chokes out, “I don’t think I’ve heard  _ anyone _ make a noise like that. I wonder if —”

Ingrid struggles to escape Dimitri’s arms. She fails. 

“— I can get another girl to make that noise. You know? You know what I mean?”

“Sylvain,” Dimitri says evenly despite Ingrid thrashing in his grasp, “That was very inappropriate.”

“Yeah, Ingrid  _ definitely _ can’t kill him,” Felix yells. He’s taunting her. She doesn’t even care.

“That’s  _ it, _ Gautier!” She shouts, “The moment Dimitri puts me down it’s  _ your head!” _

Sylvain opens his mouth to make some joke about head, but unfortunately for his own head Dimitri decides he’s also done with Sylvain’s shit and sets Ingrid down. She kills him.

“Ow, Ingrid!” Sylvain, who is very dead, says. “My arm isn’t meant to bend —  _ owowowowowowow!” _

“Get him!” Felix shouts.

“You’re next!” she shouts back.

“Please, no,” Dimitri says.

“No, get Felix! Kill Felix! Felix, distract her!” Sylvain shouts.

“You’re supposed to be dead!” Ingrid also shouts.

“Why must we fight?” Dimitri groans.

“No, let them destroy each other, I wanna watch,” Felix says.

Dimitri shakes his head. “Please, no.”

“Ingrid I’ll buy you a bucket of popcorn chicken if you get off me,” Sylvain pleads, desperate, his death imminent.

Ingrid considers the deal.

“No,” she says, and Sylvain is fucking obliterated.

**Author's Note:**

> so. i wrote this fic in (checks date) FEBRUARY bc i knew i might not have time to write anything in may. then an entire pandemic happened and i spent the entire month of may sad bc i didn't really have time to write anything for eth's birthday and then, today, several days after eth's birthday passed, i remembered i wrote this and that i'm stupid. yay!
> 
> i hope everybody's staying safe! 
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/punchyfakegamer)


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